Happy Wednesday dear readers and welcome to day four of the awesome even Get Up Offa That Slump Blogging Extravaganza! For today's challenge, participants had to choose between writing a review of their favorite book ever or a review of a book they hated without letting people know which book that is.
I was actually going to write a nice, positive post about my favorite book ever. At the last second, though, I realized how typical for me that post would be, so I decided to write a negative post instead. The challenge for this topic is to not give away any details that would let people know what book I'm talking about. So after I thought about it long and hard (more like I went with the first idea that came into my head), I give you:
A Letter To A Book I Hated
Let me start by saying that I didn't finish reading you. I just couldn't. And I'm sad because of that. Remember how we met? I saw you at a book fair about 7 years ago. You were all alone, surrounded by books with flashier covers. Someone put you in the middle of a sea of books with dark covers and you were the only one with a white cover. Your big, red title drew my eyes and I decided to try to make friends with you. I really thought we'd be buddies, you know? You let me down!
I don't know if the next part was the translator's fault or if it was all on you, but after that offensive misrepresentation, you started getting a bit Shakespearean. Only you are not Shakespeare! Oh no, you were like a virgin cocktail trying to pass for a real alcoholic beverage. You were bad at it, sister! You really were. Actually, you were so bad, I was laughing my ass off. What were you trying to do, charm me with your poetry?
This is actually how I looked like trying to read those lines. And the sad part is that you weren't even trying to be funny. You just wanted to describe something, instead you made me cry, I was laughing so hard. What's even sadder than that is that you are not a comedy book. You're a very serious book, about a very serious topic. So I don't understand where the poetry and the spouting of epithets and metaphors came from (see, I'm not as ignorant as you thought I was!).
I see you got some pretty good reviews on Goodreads, and if I were to ever send you this letter, I'd go on and ask all those readers what the hell did they get from you that I missed? Because I honestly wanna know!
Look, you need to stop looking at me from your spot in the bookshelf. It's creepy! We ain't happening! Ever! We're not going to be buddies anymore. And, sure, I could give you away and let you find happiness with someone who'd appreciate you, but I still remember how sad and lonely you looked that day at the book fair. I can't do that. But I'm not going to put you on my nightstand again, I'm not going to stuff you in my bag and take you out once I sit in my favorite seat on the bus when I leave for work. It's not happening. It's not me, it's you!
I'll just end this letter here, before you start crying.
Wow, that was easier than I thought, guys! I feel so much better now! Thank you, Rachel, for this challenge! I didn't think it would be this easy. I feel like a changed blogger now. Seriously, it's so easy to be mean. I'm mean on a daily basis with most people, though, so it wasn't such a hard task. No I'm not, I'm just joking. I'm a nice girl! Anyway. I can't wait for Friday's challenge! And I can't wait for the weekend to catch up on reading the other participant's posts!